Whose Business Are You In?
Written by Melissa Kessler, MA, PCC
Are you someone who takes on too much and tries to solve other people’s problems? Do you feel responsible for your employees, friends or family members, wanting to save them from mistakes, failure, heartache, pain, and suffering? This is common for many people. However, this can be very emotionally draining and take a huge toll on your energy.
As a coach with many clients who all have different challenges, I could easily fall into the trap of feeling responsible for “saving” them. However, that would disempower them and completely deplete me. Everyone is responsible for their own life choices and the resulting consequences. My job as a coach is to empower them to solve their own challenges by helping them think through their options, so they can make the best choice for themselves. My last newsletter talks about how to do this. Here is the link to that newsletter: You Can Change Other People.
Byron Katie has a great question to help us stay focused on ourselves, our responsibilities, and our choices instead of other people’s. That question is, “Whose business am I in?” There are only three options: mine, yours, and God’s. For example, if an earthquake happens, it’s God’s business. If your neighbor has an ugly lawn, it’s your neighbor’s business. If you are angry about your neighbor’s ugly lawn, that’s your business. How much time and energy do you spend in someone else’s business? What is the impact of doing that? For me, it just leads to frustration, stress, and misery. What would be a better use of your time and energy? For me, it would be better spent focusing on myself and my own responsibilities, challenges, and choices.
I hope that we are all better able to stay in our own business and give ourselves and others a little more grace during the upcoming holidays and throughout the new year. I think we could all use a little less judgment and little more compassion.
“Don’t believe everything you think.” – Byron Katie
“The way to truly help someone is for me to not get immersed in their suffering.” – Byron Katie