If your job title is your identity, you put work ahead of your relationships or spending time with your family, you constantly strive for more success at work, or you have an obsessive fear of failure, you may be a workaholic. According to the book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life by Arthur C. Brooks, people who are workaholics, have their identities wrap up in their jobs, and are consumed with achievement have the most difficulty finding happiness in retirement. Ambitious strivers usually achieve great success at the expense of their relationships. As a result, leaders in high positions are often some of the loneliest people.

It doesn’t have to be this way. According to Robert Waldinger, who gave a TED talk on What Makes a Good Life, “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age fifty were the healthiest at age eighty.” If you are nearing or even in retirement, there is still time to cultivate close relationships. If you think it’s too time-consuming or too difficult to build strong friendships, below are more findings the book cites that might convince you otherwise.

Bottom-line on Relationships:

• You need strong human connections to help you get on the second curve and flourish.
• No matter how introverted you are, you cannot expect to thrive into old age without healthy, intimate relationships.
• For married people, a loving companionate spousal relationship is key to thriving.
• Marriage and family are not adequate substitutes for close friendships, which should not be left up to chance.
• Friendship is a skill that requires practice, time, and commitment.
• Work friendships are not a substitute for real friendships, although they can also be satisfying, if designed purposively.

According to the book, the following factors result in being happier and healthier later in life. 

• Not smoking.
• Not drinking.  
• Healthy body weight.
• Exercise – being physically active.
• Adaptive coping style – dealing with problems directly without excessive rumination, unhealthy emotional reactions, or avoidance behavior.
• Lifelong purposive learning and lots of reading.
• Stable long-term relationships – people you can count on no matter what comes your way.
• Spirituality and/or religion – engaging in prayer and/or meditation, strengthening faith in God, and/or attending church.

I am currently taking a Neuroscience of Coaching program, and according to Ann Betz, people who have a high purpose in life are less likely to get Alzheimer's disease, heart attacks, and other forms of illness than those who don’t. Your purpose does not have to be your job. It can be helping others, supporting a cause that is important to you, doing volunteer work, or becoming active in your community or church, etc. which are also great ways to cultivate relationships with people who share similar values and interests as you.

If you are interested in experiencing personal (life) coaching to find your purpose, strengthen your relationships, develop adaptive coping skills, or to identify what’s next for you in the second half of life, please contact me for a FREE exploratory coaching session by clicking here. 

I am branching out beyond leadership coaching and now offering personal (life) coaching because I feel called to support more people in living happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.

Click here to learn more about what coaching can do for you.

 “Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.” – Robert Waldinger

“Joy is connection…The more areas in your life you can make connection, the better.” – George Vaillant

“Happiness is love. Full stop. – George Vaillant

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