Much avoidable conflict is due to unmet expectations and overstepped boundaries that were never communicated. People can’t read our minds. A great way to prevent unwanted conflict and difficult conversations down the road is to communicate our likes, dislikes, and pet peeves. If family, friends, and colleagues know this, they can avoid doing things that irritate us. For instance, my biggest pet peeve is lack of responsiveness, whether it be no response to an email, text, or voicemail. To me, it demonstrates a lack of respect, and I find it incredibly inconsiderate.

I realize that others may not view unresponsiveness the same way, and that people often just get busy and forget to respond to that email they read earlier. However, it still bugs me. That is probably because one of my highest values is being dependable. I want others to know they can count on me, so I strive to be responsive. I would much rather someone say, “I got your message. I will get back to you as soon as I can,” than to say nothing at all. I try to remember to communicate this to new clients. However, I don’t always communicate this to other colleagues and friends.

If we communicate this information to others, we increase the likelihood that they will meet our expectations. If we don’t communicate it, then we must realize that we are in a conflict that the other person knows nothing about. We are resentful, and they have no idea why. In these cases, we are better off changing our expectations of others, or having none at all.

By being clear about our expectations, we stay true to ourselves and give others the opportunity to meet our needs and avoid our pet peeves. This preserves our integrity and our relationships with others.

“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” – Nat Turner

“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen is to life. Without it, it dies.” – Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

“Boundaries protect the things that are of value to you.” – Adelyn Birch